By Dr Perfect Iyer, MD
I will tell you my personal story as to why I remain faithful to my wife. It is just for survival.
Her multitasking always amazed me, especially when it came to chemistry. It was 8 in the morning.
In the kitchen, my wife was checking the viscosity of the sambar, the solubility of chutney and the permeability of coffee, all at the same time.
The huge number of multisized, multilabel bottles and cans on the shelf in front of her, looked like a 17 th century alchemist lab with containers of different shapes and sizes labeled in Hebrew and Arabic. Hebrew and Arabic you can learn, but here it was a different challenge.
The ‘Horlicks’ bottle contained chili powder,
The ‘Bournvita’ tin, salt, while the oats tin had turmeric.
I won’t be surprised if the rat poison cover had pickles in it. But even without the blink of an eye she confidently opens a container labeled Britannia biscuit , puts a little masala powder in one of the cookers, and put it off. No watches to time, no weighing scale to go by.
But then suddenly, there was this call from the department of physics.
The milkman has come with the milk. Even without a lactometer she predicted that the milk did not meet the required specific gravity to be deemed fit for human consumption, adult, pediatric and our pet cat included.
The simultaneous arrival of the old newspaperwalla needed supervision in weights and measures department, which she did with accuracy eligible to earn an ISO certification.
Within the next 20 minutes she noted that the particulate matter in the tap water was alarmingly high (to me it seemed usual) and made sure that no one used it for drinking.
By noon she discovered an unusual biologic phenomena of slowing of the movement of our goldfish in our jerry can sized aquarium and predicted that the prognosis and outcome was poor. With my postgraduate degree in medicine, I did not find the fish too abnormal but uttered an “yes yes”, more to avoid an argument than anything else. By evening 6 the goldfish died. She followed the exact norms of environmental safety in disposal of the mortal remains with necessary prayers; identifying that the cause for the mortality was the new brand of fish food, without an autopsy.
The arrival of the gardeners made her take critical decisions in the area of agriculture deciding on which manure would suit the mango tree better.
And the financial wizard happily manages to run the home with a fiscal deficit starting by the end of third week of every month.
It is said that management skills go beyond what you are taught in the B schools., However top grade they are, you need some special senses. I agree. Even if my salary check lies deep in my hospital coat pocket she smells it out by the time I park the car.
Phenomenal I say. Isn’t it. Surprising that with all these qualifications, a working day from 6 am till 11 pm, and on call 24 hours a day, Indian housewives are still considered unemployed and have no organized Trade Union.
Administering the department of Home, with two terrorizing kids is another matter I don’t want to discuss here, because, at least one of them is a young ‘Activist’.
Today is the era of re-designation, where the department heads have become Directors, Managers rechristened as Chairman and owners as CEOs.
Without call for a strike, we have decided to elevate and promote the good old, young at heart, all knowing housewife to a “Homemaker.”
She is happy with it!
I have very little knowledge of chemistry, nature science, food and beverage or commerce or arts.
I remain faithful to my wife, and I cling to her just for survival.
Salute to all lovely women.