Placements

The real placements Agency: ” Sir, we found 3 candidates as per your requirements, now how do you want their  placements sir?”
M.D: “Put about 100 bricks in a closed room. Then send the candidates into the room & close the door, leave them alone & come back after a few hours and analyse the situation:-
1)  If they are counting the bricks, Put them in Accounts deptt.
2)  If they are re-counting the bricks, Put them in Auditing.
3)  If they have messed up the whole room with the bricks, Put them in Engineering.
4)  If they are arranging the bricks in some strange order, Put them in Planning.
5)  If they are throwing the bricks at each other, Put them in Operations.
6)  If they are sleeping, Put them in Security.
7)  If they have broken the bricks into pieces, Put them in Information Technology.
8)  If they are sitting idle, Put them in Human Resources.
9)  If they say they have tried different combinations yet not a single brick has been moved, Put them in Sales.
10) If they have already left for the day, Put them in Marketing.
11) If they are staring out of the window, Put them in Strategic Planning.
And…….
12)  If they are talking to each other and not a single brick has been touched, Congratulate them and put them in Top Management.
😂🤣😃😁😅😜

Advertisements

Malyali jokes

What ?? Alcohol ban in my Kerala ! This is zimbly terrible. Today I will take an otto, go to the temble and ask God why he did thiz in hiz own kentry?? I ask all my ungles and aunthies to take all their meney and shift to Gelf and Thhubai immediately !
Enough of Sardar jokes……Mallu jokes are in town!!!!!!!!!!
1) What is the tax on a Mallu’s income called?

IngumDax.
2) Where did the Malayali study?     

In the ko-liage.
3) Why did the Malayali not go to ko-liage today?

He is very bissi.
4) Why did the Malayali buy an air-ticket?

To go to Thuubai, zimbly to meet his ungle in Gelff.
5) Why do Malayalis go to the Gelff?

To yearn meney.
6) What did the Malayali do when the plane caught fire?

He zimbly jembd out of the vindow.                            
7) How does a Malayali spell moon?

MOON – Yem Woh yet another Woh and Yen.
8) What is Malayali management graduate called?

Yem Bee Yae.
9) What does a Malayali do when he goes to America ?

He changes his name from Karunakaran to Kevin Curren.
10) What does a Malayali use to commute to office everyday?

An Oto.
11) Where does he pray?

In a Temble, Charch and a Maask.                          
12) Who is Bruce Lee’s best friend?

A Malaya-Lee of coarse.
13) Name the only part of the werld, where Malayalis dont werk hard?

Kerala.
14) Why is industrial productivity so low in Kerala?

Because 86% of the shift time is spent on lifting, folding and re-tying the lungi.
15) Why did Saddam Hussain attack Kuwait? 

He had a Mallu baby-sitter, who always used to say ‘KEEP QUWAIT’ ‘KEEP QUWAIT’.     
16) What is the Latest Malayali Punch Line?

Frem Tea Shops To Koll Cenders , We Are Yevery Where “.
17) Why aren’t Mallus included in hockey and football teams?

Coz Whenever they get a corner, they set up a tea shop.
Now pass it on to 5 Mallus to get a free sample of  kokanet oil.          

        

Pass it on 10 Mallus to get a free pack of Benana Chibbs….

😂😂😜😜😃😃

Story of how to Respond, not React!


There was a large puddle by the side of a road. As a lady was walking on the sidewalk, a car drove through the puddle and she was drenched head to foot. Shaking with rage, she glared at the car as it drove away. Then she looked around at the other people looking at her, and worrying about what others could be thinking of her, she stuffed her anger down inside and walked on with an icy expression. She was very angry and upset the whole day. This little incident had spoilt her day (and if she is not careful she could spoil the day for others too).
A little later, as another woman walked by on the same sidewalk, a truck drove through the puddle, and dirty water splashed all over her. Shocked, she looked down at her drenched clothing for several seconds before bursting into laughter. And as she walked on down the sidewalk, she remembered all those times as a child that she and her friends had played out in the rain, stomping puddles and laughing with delight.
An hour later, as another woman walked by on the sidewalk — all dressed up and on her way to an important meeting — a car drove by through the puddle, splashing the muddy water all over her. First she felt shock, and then began shaking with rage. Not caring what anyone around her thought, she screamed at the top of her lungs, and people stopped and stared at her. Feeling better from having gotten that immediate anger out of her, she took a deep breath, released it, and walked back the way she had come to remedy the situation, by placing stones in the large puddle and filling it up and chuckling at how ridiculously funny life can be sometimes.
We have narrated three different kinds of response to the same situation. One reacted with suppressed anger, another lady responded with a smile and the third reacted, reflected and then responded with a cheerful, ‘you-can’t-destroy-my-happiness’ attitude. Life and wellbeing is all about making choices and another choice we can make in life is to use the positive power of response rather than use the negative power of reaction. 

The Story of Genie and the Boss



A sales representative, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out.

 The Genie says, “I’ll give each of you just one wish” 
“Me first! Me first!” says the admin. clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.
 “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii,relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone. 
“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

“Big John doesn’t pay!"


One fine day, a bus driver and conductor went to the bus garage and began their routine job quietly. It was their normal route and there were no problems for the first few stops - a few people got on, a few got off, and things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet, eight, built like a wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the conductor and said, “Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at the back.
The bus conductor was five feet, three, thin, and basically meek. Naturally, he didn't argue with Big John, but he wasn't happy about it. He was angry within but he dared not express it. The next day the same thing happened - Big John got on again, made a show of refusing to pay, and sat down. It became a routine drama, everyday, the same route, the same conductor and the same big John refusing to pay. The regular commuters began to look forward to this little drama and the meek conductor’s reaction.
This grated on the bus conductor, who started losing sleep over the way Big John was taking advantage of him. Finally he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said, “Big John doesn't pay!" The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and screamed, “And why not?" With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied, “Big John has a bus pass."
The bus conductor could have confronted him without having judged him in silence. He could have saved himself a lot of humiliation. Often we are put to shame by our own overdrive to condemn or put someone down. 


Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑