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Sardar jokes

Sardar Hi Sardar

2 Sardars bank lootne gaye, Par gun bhool gaye…
Phir bhi bank loot liya Kaise???
Bank Manager bhi sardar tha.
Bola
“I trust you, gun kal dikha dena”….!!
🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇

Santa ko koi mobile pe tangh karta tha
Santa ne new sim card kharid kar tang karnewalle ko sms kiya
“Mene woh sim band kar diya hai, ab tu toh kya tera baap bhi mujhe tangh nahin kar sakta!”..!!
🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇

Santa: Is mirror ki kya guarantee hai:
Shopkeeper: Aap isse 100 floor se niche girao, ye mirror 99 floor tak nahin tutega
Sardar: Wah!! Pack it….!!
🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇

Sardarni: Lo, light chale gayee
Sardar: Light chali gayee toh kya, fan chalu kar
Sardarni: Lo, kee na wahi sardaron-waali baat,
Agar fan chalu kiya toh mombatti bhuj nahin jayegi….??
🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇🍇

NASA ne 3 sardaron ko chand pe bheja.
Rocket uda magar aadhe raaste se vaapas aaya.
Unko kaaran pucha gaya toh boley: Aaj amaawas hai, chand to nahi hoga….!


4 Sardar train k piche baag rahe the..
2 chadh gaye,to train me logo ne kaha
“WELL DONE”
Sardar-khaak well done
Jana to unhe tha,
Hum to chhodne aaye the.


Sardar:Raat mujhe ek aadmi ne chaku dikhakar loot liya.
Friend:Lekin tere pas to hamesha Gun hoti hai.
Sardar:Wo maine chupa di thi, warna wo bhi chori ho jati


Sardar-Yaar ye
SENT MESSAGE
Kya hota hai?

Dusra sardar-Ghochu,
Bevkuf
Tune Hi Sardaro Ka Naam Kharab Kiya H

Sent Message Matlab

Khushbu Wala Message


Sardar teacher ne exam ke liye Question Paper banaya..
Paper dekhte hi saare bachche behosh ho gaye.!
Question the :
1. China kis Desh me he ?
2. 15 Aug kis Date ko Aati he ?
3. Green Rang kis Colour ka Hota he?
4. Tamatar ko Hindi may kya Bolte he?
5. Mumtaz ki Qabar main Kon Dafan he?


Sardar apni Billi se tang aa ke use dur chhod aya.
Ghar aya to billi vapas aa gai thi !
Wo dusari bar chhod aya aur billi
phir vapas aa gai !
3rd time wo use bahut dur aur complicated route pe chhod aya.
Vapas raste me usne apni biwi ko phone kiya: Kya Billi ghar aa gai?
Biwi: Yes
Sardar: Us kamini ko bhej yahan,
Main rasta bhul gaya hun….


Sardar park me baita tha
Friend: kya kar raha hai?
Sardar: badla le raha hu.
Friend: kisse?
Sardar: waqt ne muje barbad kiya hai, ab me waqt barbad kar raha
hu…


The king’s dogs

Once A King had 10 wild dogs in the palace. He trained and used them to torture & kill any minister that misguided him.

A Minister once gave an opinion which was wrong and which the king didn’t like at all…
So he ordered that the Minister to be thrown to the dogs.

The Minister said, “I served you loyally for 10 years & you do this..?”

The King was unrelenting and did not change his decision.

Minister pleaded, “Please give me 10 days before you throw me to the dogs”.

The King agreed.

In those 10 days, the Minister went to the keeper of the dogs & told him he wanted to serve the dogs for the next 10 days…

The Guard was baffled… But he agreed.

So the minister started feeding the dogs, caring for them, washing them, providing all sorts of comfort for them.

So when the 10 days were up…

The King ordered that the minister be thrown to the dogs as sentenced.

When he was thrown in, everyone was amazed at what they saw…
The dogs were wagging their tails playing with the condemned minister… licking his feet.

The King was baffled at what he saw, “What happened to the dogs?” He growled.

The Minister then said, “I served the dogs for only 10 days & they didn’t forget my service… I served you for 10 years & you forgot all at the first mistake”…

The King realised his mistake

and

Replaced the dogs with crocodiles 🐊!!

Moral : When Management has decided to take you to task, they will inspite of whatever you do. .. That’s Final…
😁

Sardarji tickles

🌼
*SARDARJI TICKLES*

👳👳👳

*Boss : Where were you born ..?*
Sardar : *India ..*
Boss : which part ..?
Sardar : *What ‘which part’ ..? Whole body was born in India.*

😉😀😝
*Two sardars were fixing a bomb in a car.*

Sardar 1: *What would you do if the bomb explodes while fixing.*
Sardar 2 : *Don’t worry, I have one more.*

😉😀😝
Sardar : What is the name of your car ..?
*Lady : I forgot the name, but is starts with ‘T’.*
Sardar : *Oh, what a strange car, starts with Tea. All cars that I know start with petrol.*

😉😝😜
*At the scene of an accident a man was crying: O God! I have lost my hand, oh!*
*Sardar : Control yourself. Don’t cry. See that man. He has lost his head. Is he crying ..?*

😉😀😝
*Sardar : U cheated me.*
Shopkeeper : *No, I sold a good radio to u.*
Sardar : *Radio label shows Made in Japan but radio says this is ‘All India Radio! ‘*

😉😀😝
*Tourist : Whose skeleton is that ..?*
Sardar : *An old king’s skeleton.*
Tourist : *Who’s that smaller skeleton next to it ..?*
*Sardar : That was same king’s skeleton when he was a child …*

😉😀😝
*Teacher : Which is the oldest animal in the world ..?*
*Sardar : ZEBRA*
Teacher : *How?*
Sardar : *Bcoz it is Black & White*

**********************
Sardar attending an interview in Software Company ..
*Manager : Do U know MS Office .?*
*Sardar : If U give me the address I will go there sir.*

***********************
Sardar : *Doctor .!! My Son swallowed a key.*
Doctor : *When .?*
Sardar : *3 Months Ago*
Dr : *What were u doing till now .?*
*Sardar : We were using duplicate key*

********************
*Sardarji made a call to airport “How long is the journey from India to America .?”*
*Girl : One second sir …*
*Sardarji : Thanks .!!*

*********************
*Jandhar Singh laughing behind Mandhar Singh in an ATM counter …*
*Haha…I have seen ur password ..*
Mandhar singh : *What is it .?*
Jandhar : *it is four stars (****)*
Mandhar : *Haha .. wrong .. it is 3384. oye .. oye ..*

*******************
*Teacher : How does the hen comes out of the egg ..?*
Sardarji : *Oye ..that is not a big question .. madam .. the big question is .. how the hen went inside the egg ..!!*

***********************
*Sardar’s friend : Sardarji, how was ur exam?*
Sardarji : *Oye .. it was OK .. but i couldn’t answer the past tense of ‘THINK’. I thought & thought & thought .. and finally wrote ..THUNK .!!*

*********************
*One tourist from USA asked : Any great man born in this village?*
*Sardarji : No sir, only small babies .!!*

**************************
*A lady and a lion were kissing each other in a circus cage ..*
*Ring master : Anybody can do that?*
*Sardar : Oye .. I can .. first .. take the lion out .!!*

**********************
*Sardar was driving a jeep in a jungle.*
*Tourist : If a lion comes against us, how can we escape?*
*Sardar : So simple .. Give RIGHT turn indicator and turn LEFT ..!!*

*************************
*Sardar : Doctor, In my dreams .. rats play football every night..*
*Dr : OK .. no problem. Have these tablets from tonight.*
*Sardarji : can i start from tomorrow ?*
*Dr : why?*
*Sardar : Bcoz today is FINAL .!!*

*Keep Smiling ..😀😃😄😁😆😅😂🤣😝😛😜😂*

Indian jokes

Donald trump wants to paint the white house.. He calls for quotation.. Chinese guy quoted 3 million. European guy quoted 7 million..
Indian guy quoted 10 million..
Trump asked chinese guy..”..how did u quote 3 million..?” Chinese guy replied .. “1 million for paint 1 million for labour 1 million profit..” Trump asked european guy.. He replied-“.. 3 million for paint 2 million for labour 2 million profit..”
Trump asked Indian guy.. He replied.. ..”..4 million for you.. 3 million for me.. .. .. and we will give 3 million to the chinese guy and ask him to paint..!!” 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Indian got the contract ! 👍

Corporate joke

*Corporate joke*

*A woman in hot air balloon realized she is lost…*

*She reduced altitude & shouted to a man below :-*
*”Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend to meet him an hour ago but I don’t know where I am.”*

*Man below replied :-*
*”You are in hot air balloon 30 feet above the ground. You are at 41 degree North latitude & 59 degree West longitude.”*

*Lady :- “You must be an engineer.”*

*Man :- “How do you know?”*

*Lady :- “Everything you told me is technically correct but useless & the fact is I’m still lost.”*

*Engineer :- “You must be in Top Management.”*

*Lady :- “Ya. How do you know?”*

*Engineer :- “You don’t know where you are or where you’re going, you have no technical knowledge. You made a promise, which you’ve no idea how to keep & you expect people beneath you to solve your problems!”*
😀😀😀
*A must read n circulate for all working professionals!*
😛

Leave application

🌀Leave applications.🌀

(murdering the English language)

🌀Infosys, Bangalore:🌀
“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife ,
please sanction me one-week leave.”
________________________________
🌀Oracle, Bangalore:🌀
From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son:
“As I want to shave my son’s head , please leave me for two days..”
________________________________
🌀Leave-letter from a CDAC employee who was
performing his daughter’s wedding:
“As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”
________________________________
🌀From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it please grant me 10 days leave.”
________________________________
🌀Another employee applied for half-day leave as follows:
“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o’clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”
________________________________
🌀A leave letter:
“I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.”
________________________________
🌀A leave letter to a headmaster:
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”
________________________________
🌀Another letter written to a headmaster:
“As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day.”
________________________________
🌀Covering note:
“I am enclosed herewith…”
________________________________
🌀Another one:
“Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my bottom…”
________________________________
🌀Actual application for leave:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.
________________________________
🌀Telegram sent by a Rural br.manager to Zonal office-
“wife serious, send substitute!”

Laugh and pass…

Payment

A drunk naked woman boards a cab in America.

Driver of the cab, a Gujju, keeps staring at her and does not start the cab.

Woman: Haven’t you ever seen a naked woman before?

Gujju : Cool down, maam. I am not staring at you. I am just wondering as to where you have kept the money to pay me?

Moral : This is what most of the Indian Banks failed to do……
Assessing the repayment capacity before enjoying the exposure

Lalit Modi, Vijay Mallya and Nirav Modi are starting an aashram south of London.

It is called

“The Art of Leaving”

Just cancelled my ticket for going abroad.
Unnecessarily, why create a doubt in my Banker’s mind…😂
😂😂😂✈✈✈😎😎

English funny

🌀Leave applications.🌀

(murdering the English language)

🌀Infosys, Bangalore:🌀
“Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife ,
please sanction me one-week leave.”
________________________________
🌀Oracle, Bangalore:🌀
From an employee who was performing the “mundan” ceremony of his 10 year old son:
“As I want to shave my son’s head , please leave me for two days..”
________________________________
🌀Leave-letter from a CDAC employee who was
performing his daughter’s wedding:
“As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week’s leave..”
________________________________
🌀From H.A.L. Administration Dept:
“As my mother-in-law has expired and I am only one responsible for it please grant me 10 days leave.”
________________________________
🌀Another employee applied for half-day leave as follows:
“Since I’ve to go to the cremation ground at 10 o’clock and I may not return, please grant me half day casual leave”
________________________________
🌀A leave letter:
“I am suffering from fever, please declare one-day holiday.”
________________________________
🌀A leave letter to a headmaster:
“As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave me today”
________________________________
🌀Another letter written to a headmaster:
“As my headache is paining , please grant me leave for the day.”
________________________________
🌀Covering note:
“I am enclosed herewith…”
________________________________
🌀Another one:
“Dear Sir: with reference to the above , please refer to my bottom…”
________________________________
🌀Actual application for leave:
“My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband at home I may be granted leave”.
________________________________
🌀Telegram sent by a Rural br.manager to Zonal office-
“wife serious, send substitute!”

Laugh and pass…

Death between two criminals

An old priest lay dying in the hospital. For years, he had faithfully served the people of the nation’s US capital. He summoned for his nurse to come near.

“Yes, Father?” said the nurse.
“I would really like to see President George Bush and Vice President Cheney before I die.”

“I’ll see what I can do, Father” replied the nurse.

The nurse sent the request to the Capitol Building and waited for a response. Soon the reply arrived: Bush and Cheney would be delighted to visit the priest.

As they went to the hospital, followed by a large contingency of the press, President Bush leaned over and whispered to Cheney, “I don’t know why the old priest wants to see us, but it will certainly help our images.”
Cheney couldn’t help but agree.

When they arrived at the priest’s room, the press crowded around and the priest took Bush’s hand in his right hand and Cheney’s hand in his left.
There was silence and a look of serenity on the old priest’s face.

Finally Bush, smiling and looking at all the press, spoke. “Father, of all the people you could have chosen, why did you choose us to be with you as you near the end?”

The old priest slowly replied, “I have always tried to pattern my life after our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ.”

“Amen” said Cheney.

“Amen” said the President.

The old priest continued, “The Lord Jesus died between two criminals. I would like to do the same.”